Correction Fluid

Babel babel BITCH BITCH rebel rebel party party
sex sex sex
and don’t forget the violence

(more…)

I haven’t been blogging all that often lately. Maybe it’s because I haven’t really felt the need to. I’m happy. And I’m keeping myself busy, whether or not it be with productive things.

Last night I went for a walk at 2:30am with Matt. I had a lollipop. =) We ran into Matt’s friend Dayon around 3:15am who proceeded to invite us back to his cluster building for homemade soup. It was delicious. I kind of felt out of the loop considering Matt and Dayon spent most of their time talking about their engineering courses, their friends, and video games I hadn’t played before. Dayon did tell some awesome stories though, like about when he went home over reading break how he had gone over to his friend’s place to help get rid of a squirrel. It was fun.

Spencer, one of Dayon’s roommates, came out into the kitchen after awhile. He honesty has the look of one of an evil villain or something, it’s ridiculous how much I wanted to hug him for it. His moustache is what does it. It’s kind of like this except the upper lip has more space in between the moustache. He was dressed in pjs of course and had just finished or was taking a break from his Biology lab. He came out and Dayon was all “what’s it about?” Spencer replied “do you actually want to know?” Dayon shrugged so Spencer said he’s give the jist of it. He started saying how they were interrupting a process in the mitochondria called… called… uh… and I totally jumped in and said cellular respiration. And Spencer and Matt totally looked impressed and I was all “yes, props to my intelligence ratio with the boys, win”. Anyways, I felt cool. I definitely want to get to know this Spencer character though. He seems awesome and I has crush on boy with poofy hair and devious facial hair. Except he’s dating this girl they live with. Lame.

That besides, I slept till 5pm, went for dinner, watched boys kill zombies on Left 4 Dead, cleaned my room a bit, went to caps, went to Krysta’s, watched Simpsons with the guys, watched Holes alone, and now I’m here. A very unproductive day.

LAST WEEK I spent my Thursday night at Steve’s where we watched Young People Fucking and a couple episodes of Stella. Nothing foolish happened no no no. We even went to bed early because I was fixing my sleep schedule (1am) and woke up at 8:30am. Wooo. Friday night I went to my philo class at 9pm to work on our group project. I wrote 2 pages and an hour later I left to go get drunk with Gordon, Mika, and Evan (who was visiting for the weekend). I tried jello shots for the first time and I really really really want to make more they were so good. I also took shots of rum like there was no alcohol in them. Even though it was dark rum. I’m getting good at taking shots apparently. Anyways, I ended up drinking white rum and pomegranate punch out of a martini glass. It was grand fun drinking that in a room of dozens of people I’ve met before, sitting back while they all smoked mixed fruit tobacco and weed from a hookah. We also played stack-ro-bats. WIN.

I already mentioned the mask ball on Saturday.

Sunday Krysta and I went on an adventure to Mayfair Mall. Krysta spent her time writing down a bunch of stuff she wanted on receipts while I actually bought things. I bought a blue long sleeve scoop neck shirt from the garage (10$), a super comfy grey loose dress-like thing from Bootlegger(20$), replacement purple tights from Aldo (10$), and purple rubber boots from Aldo (30$).

But yes. I haven’t been drinking as much every weekend now. Which is good, I guess.

Is she, is she real, is she
Is she real, is she (it’s real)

Tonight I went to a Masquerade Ball at the Edelweiss Club downtown with Mika, Gordon, and Evan. It was much fun but my feet hurt and I’m tired. I also wish I’d worn my black dress that I wear almost every day even though I’d worn it the day before because I would have been much more confident. Oh well. Gordon is still exceptional fun to dance with.

I also watched Quarantine when I got back with David C and Raj. It was pretty messed. We watched episode 7 of Flight of the Conchords after that and it helped lighten the mood. Then someone screamed outside and now I’m amusing myself by talking to people online. Distraction distraction~ I’m exhausted too. And hungry. Could really go from some cheese right now…

Know if you know me well you’d know that I know the definite difference between need and want. I rarely use the word need, it’s as if it isn’t part of my vocabulary. But when I need something, I know I do. And what I need right now is someone to love me.

I need a boy. I want him to be taller than me, have a beautiful smile, be knowledgeable in regards to computers, be well off money-wise, appreciate great music, know how to cook, know when and when not to be immature, be older than me, have a keen interest in cars, know how to drive, and to be a go-to handyman. I want him to not be afraid to make fun of me and to take care of me when I’m ill. I want him to be confident and have a respectable fashion sense. I want him to not listen to country music all that frequently and appreciate classical music but not be afraid to blast trance or rock. I want him to enjoy being around others but still spend time with just me. I want him to not get stoned every day but it’s up to him if he’d like to indulge at parties or on the rare occasion. I’d like him to drink but not get drunk at every opportunity. I want him to respect his parents and keep in contact with them. I want him to live close enough that we can see each other once or twice a week minimum. I want him to not be into any drugs other than weed but I respect his choice to try anything once, but never any more. I want him to stay up late with me but not so late that we never see the light of day. I want him to trust me and be loyal. I want him to enjoy rough housing. I want him to smell good. I want him to have some idea of when he wants to do with his life, even if it’s way off in the distance.

I need him to exist.

I need you so much closer
So come on, come on

That warm wet face mask? Yeah, it’s back in excess this time. So much excess that it only just stopped because it probably ran out after 45 minutes. Matt has just spent this whole time informing me that he shouldn’t have jumped into something so soon after he and his girlfriend broke up a day before him and I started talking. He’s realized now, what, 3 weeks later that he’s still unbelievably in love with his ex and that that’s why he’s brought our “relationship” to a stand still. So it’s pretty much over now. And I really don’t think I’m going to get to sleep for at least another 2 hours. I have to be at the Art Gallery downtown at 3pm. I then have to go to choir off campus from 4:30pm to 6:30pm. I’m not expecting any energy. I want to curl up and just sleep all day. That’d be nice.

Please, someone, get me drunk.

I can’t get to bed
But I’m really tired
The things in my head
You used to admire
In your sundrenched world

A cure for AIDS?

I’m pretty much obsessed with Joshua Radin atm. And Matt. GET OUT OF MY HEAD LAWLZ.

I need you to know this won’t be broken
And all that we said will not be lost into the dawn
And you would be the last thing I saw coming
I’m still surprised

Old doubt and a girl by your side
S h e ‘ s   f e e d i n g   y o u r   p r i d e
As you go for a ride
Down the Star Mile

Worlds arise as she lets you come in
A duo begins
To the Hollywood Inn
Of the lonely

And all the gold dust in her eyes won’t reform into a ring
You had and lost the one thing
You kept in a safe place
Remember the face
Of the girl who had made you her own
And how you left her alone

All’s well at the base of the hill
You might need to fill
A prescription to kill
Off the silence

Look down from your tower on high
And take in the night
Look her right in the eye
She’ll listen

And all the gold dust in her eyes won’t reform into a ring
You had and lost the one thing
You kept in a safe place
Remember the face
Of the girl who had made you her own
And how you left her alone

L i f e   g o e s   t o   t h o s e   t h a t   a r e   t r u e
The regular news
Over playing the blues
With the light on

And if you burn the road
That’ll lead you back to her in time
I watch you turn to stone
You can’t find the sunlight

S h e ‘ s   m o v i n g   o n   w i t h o u t   y o u
The tide breaks
You watch the stars fade
They gather you back to their home
I guess it’s better than being alone

So I only remember the end of my dream but it was still neat nonetheless.

I remember looking out over the ocean at this aircraft carrier about a road-width wide. I was sitting on the corner of it and it was anchored about a metre into the water. You know those planes used in farming that spray the fields with all the pesticides and such. Well this one was shooting these little dart like bullets that lit on fire. I pretty much just stayed in my corner as whomever was driving the plane kept trying to blow the aircraft carrier up. I had my DS, (AH FUCK I CAN’T REMEMBER) and 2 other things in the very corner of the ship. But I jumped off to run into the forest just beyond shore to safety. When I realized I’d left my stuff on the boat I ran back but it had already stated pulling away from shore and there was no chance I could swim out there in time. So I ran down the beach a bit and told my dad what had happened and he and I went out into the water to get my things back. The boat all of a sudden drove right up onto shore but only the 2 things I can’t remember where on it, not my DS. I remember cradling my things and saying to Courtney “it’s okay. At least I have my other things”. And then I woke up.

Dude wtf were the other things. This is going to drive my nuts.

P.S. I just woke up.

I am one weak piece of shit.

Even though I have currently been reduced to tears, minutes ago I emailed my FA teacher explaining my absences in the best way possible. Before that I emailed my Philosophy group to get caught up with things and suggest dates for working on the project together. I also went through my English papers and found that I have 2/3 worksheets that are due later today and I can totally hand in my project summary. For the English stuff though, the 3rd worksheet and the project summary will both be 10% off due to lateness. I’m pretty sure it’s the same deal for my Spanish essay that was due yesterday. Sadly enough I’d completed it on time I just didn’t go to class.

Tuesday I ended up sleeping over at Matt’s. We both slept through all 3 alarms (I really should have set my phone’s alarm, then I know we would have woken up) and sleeping till 5:30pm.

Wednesday I went to sleep around 9am and didn’t wake up till 11:30pm. And even then I stayed in bed till 12:30am.

So now I’m wide awake and angry with myself and texting David C to grab me on his way to breakfast because I haven’t eaten barely a thing in a couple days.

Like I said, I’m a pathetically weak piece of shit. I feel like a failure. Brenden said it’s probably because I’m feeling overwhelming freedom and independence and that’s probably why I’m throwing my life to the pits. I completely agree I just don’t want to say it out loud. So I’ll type it instead and hope my brain follows the word patterns and inputs them properly.

In 23 minutes I’ll be calling the career counselor’s office in hopes of setting up a meeting time later today.

Other than that, I suck. My face feels like it has a coating of paint or something. It actually kind of feels like those face masks that feel marvelous at first, the wet warm covering, but later begin to dry and crack leaving your skin feeling fresh but slightly irritated.

Sim Tower and Sim Farm are full of win.

Everything is wrecked and grey
I’m focusing on your image
Can you hear me in the void?

It’s been a good weekend. Hallowe’en was spent in Jakob’s car driving from Jakob’s grandma’s to Mayfair to Value Village and after that, Hillside. Met up with Ally and Denny at Thrifty’s and bused back to campus ensemble. Adventure time!

I was a blue crayon with Krysta (red), Mika (plum), and Lisa (yellow). Sadly enough we didn’t manage to get a single picture of us all together. I did find a random camera and proceeded to take photos of Mika and myself on it but I don’t know who the camera belonged to, it was on the table at a cluster party. No photos of me otherwise~

Anywho, I had many many different types of alcohol on Friday. There was a shot of vodka, roughly 4 shots of bacardi dark, a shot of jäger, some sips of sambuca, this drink called Killer Kool Aid (or something like that) which consisted of amaretto, a green liqueur, grenadine, and I’m thinking white rum (SO GOOD. Rob made it for me, the bar tender guy that lives in 5003 with Matt, Jakob, and Adrian (who’s rarely present)), a peppermint patty, and a shot of bacardi white. That’s a lot. Mmm.

There was a big mess up when me keys got passed around on Saturday where I ended up having to bus in my bright blue tights and boots and Matt’s hoodie (which made me look like I have next to nothing underneath) to meet with with Denny and eat dinner at their hotel with Lisa. I bleached Lisa’s hair that night! It was so much fun but I’m pretty sure I got high of the fumes because I had an aching headache the next day.

I watched The Gods Must Be Crazy last night with Brenden and David and later Grosse Pointe Blank with Matt. Both were fantastic. I also watched the live show of Flight of the Conchords again with Matt. Went to bed at 5:30am though. Getting better!

Brenden taught me how to complete a Rubik Cube today! It was amazing and I definitely need to practice. But I completed it! (with Brenden’s help of course) and that’s what counts. I still can’t beat Minesweeper on expert though.

Now to work on Spanish. Sleep, food, and beautiful intelligent boys make life worth living.

I may try to stay misunderstood
And it’s working
Somewhere I’ve been told impossible
Stay near and lonely
I wonder why

So the other night I fell asleep at 1am wrapped in a towel (I’d just had a shower). Woke up an hour later incredibly cold and didn’t fall asleep again till 8:30am. Fucked up my schedule and ended up sleeping till 8:30pm.

Today or well yesterday I borrowed Justin’s bike and went on a bike ride down to Tim Horton’s at 11:30pm. It’s was fucking brilliant. I miss my bike way too much.

At 3am I went to 5003 and met up with Matt, Jakob, Jenn, and Robert and we all went downtown in Jakob’s car for a 7-11 run for slurpees and such and then pool. Didn’t get back till almost 5am. Matt and I ended up going out with flashlights through the Mystic Vale trails around campus and later down to the beach and swings. I only just got back 20 minutes ago when I proceeded to visit David who was just leaving for breakfast before his 8:30am class.

Now it’s time for bed.

Ally and Denny are on their way here tomorrow! I’m excited to be a crayon.

P.S. Here’s a source of amusement.

Apparently Lueke did take a picture after they turned me into Hitler but someone stole his camera. Epic fail considering he JUST bought it.

World of Goo! So much amusement and frustration. Love it.

Interweb connections on campus fail so much it’s ridiculous.

Downloaded a whole bunch of movies (like The Gods Must Be Crazy (!!!!!) and Dead Poet’s Society) and music (The Sea and Cake and Jenny Owen Youngs) off the Hub which I finally got on! It’s so fast and exciting. I’m filling up LaCie pretty fast. Foo.

I’m going to eat a sandwich before choir. Toodles.

P.S. I got the last place in a class of 200 people for an intro to Anthropology course next semester. Acka.

P.P.S. Another evening with Matt this time at the ECS for 4 hours and then another 2 outside my res. I wonder if this is going to become a nightly ritual. Again, we had everything to talk about. And we collected red berries.

You’re twenty-three but, how can that be?
Still hooked on cellophane,
Killing time with Gin and lime.
Each second numbs the pain,
Love’s just another rhyme.

Just got back from a 3 hour walk with Matt. I don’t know why but it’s constant talk and it’s fucking brilliant. I didn’t get any of my English project done though. And I’m probably much sicker now from the cold. Well, sleep time.

Gabriel and Dresden again. Going on the third hour.

Been talking to Matt from cluster. He’s actually 23 and is going through a break up so I’ve just been keeping him company. It’s neat. We get along great. And yeah. We both stay up all night. And yeah. It’s after 8am.

My neighbours are up getting ready for class. I still haven’t been to bed. It’s bright. The garbage men have come and gone. I want it not to hurt when I swallow anymore. And I want to finish my English project and be confident with it before class tomorrow.

Carved pumpkins last night! And wrote the lyrics of This is Hallowe’en from The Nightmare Before Christmas soundtrack on my white board.

is pretty much win. 4.46GB of win. So much win!

Why am I up? Who knows. The clouds are racing through the sky. It looks pretty neat. They’re turning pink.

Alex K from the valley visited tonight! Apparently he’s never been sick before from drinking but he got sick from half a 2.6 of Bacardi gold of mine. I enjoyed the rest of my amaretto with David and tried a new mix with grapefruit juice which was fucking amazing! So much [citric] acid and booze though, I’m having trouble swallowing. So much pain.

I found an unopened grapefruit juice bottle on the ground in a bag by the gazebo where everyone goes to get high. I peeled off the label and glue. Now it’s all clear and wonderful. I think I’ll keep the bottle. At least for a little while.

Rae stayed up all night too! Cool.

I’m going to get under my covers and hopefully crash. But first! listen to this. Cheers.

Four to the floor I was sure, never seeing clear
I could have it all, if only you were here

Stayed up all night last night. Like I was up till almost 11am before I crashed in Lueke’s bed. Devon was having a bad trip so I went to cheer him up and distract him. We played cards for a good 5 hours or something after I went downstairs around 1:30am. We listened to some of the best techno of my life and then decided to crack open his raspberry Absolut. Oh man. We drank all my juice and bought mountain dew and drank all Devon’s juice. And I’m pretty sure we drank all the 2.6. We had our own rave pretty much after quiet hours ended around 8am. And then, at 10:10am I left to go write a Spanish quiz.

NOW DON’T JUDGE ME. I’ve never gone to school intoxicated. Ever. I don’t know how I made it up the stairs to my prof’s office. I don’t know how she didn’t question my goofy grin that I had to cover outside so as not to draw attention to myself. I don’t know how the test was so easy but it was and I finished it in 10 minutes. Let’s hope it was as easy as I thought it was.

Like I said, afterwords  I crashed in Lueke’s bed. I definitely meant to go to my room but I gotten soup and a drink from the caf and had planned to eat it but I was so tired I just climbed up into Lueke’s bed and was gone.

I woke up with a Hitler mustache and a huge uni-brow drawn on in permanent marker courtesy of Ian. At least I was able to provide enough amusement that Lueke said he nearly pissed himself laughing.

Anyways, I got it off after I woke up to a room full of people half an hour ago.

I’m just glad Tom left early.

Sentimental phases
Leave it all behind
Incremental changes
And incidental highs

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7cRPH4lb8UI

Courtney just showed me this. LOL.

Talked with Sydney for a good 3 hours tonight. ftw!

Went to the art talk thing. Bored me completely but at least I went.

I didn’t have any Tylenol today but I could really use some right now.

I’m going to microwave some soup.

My life is pretty fucked right now. I just finished bullshitting my English midterm and I completely regret not dedicating more time to writing it before hand or at least a practice exam. I also regret falling asleep every time I tried to read Heart of Darkness. IT’S FUCKING BORING THOUGH, OKAY.

Anyways, my temperature keeps fluctuating. In other words, last night it was freezing outside so I wore a few layers but it was warm and barely affected me to a point where I was ready to take off my coat - but didn’t, because I know I’m sick. I get back to my room and strip down to jeans and a tank top. The window’s wide open. Within a few minutes I’m all bundled up again. I start to overheat. Open window even wider. Lose the blankets. Still hot. Go to bed in shorts and t-shirt. Wake upto a cool room but I’m sweating under the covers. And then I went to class today in flip-flops. Wtf, mate. It’s like 5 degrees.

Anywho, I’m going to go see if any of the guys would like to join me for dinner because I haven’t eaten all day. That’s another thing. I have only be eating little bits at a time and the snacking is lacking! For lunch yesterday I had a cup of soup. Dinner was a samosa and carrot sticks. Midnight snack was a piece of pizza and a ginger snap cookie. 3am snack was a sandwich I’d bought earlier that day. That’s very little food for me. Ver strange.

I’ve got a seriously neat set up going on right now. My monitor is on my fridge and I can sit in bed and type and such. It’s wonderful. I have desk space now and my wrist doesn’t hurt from typing for long periods of time. And movie watching it so much more comfortable.

I’ll take a picture after I clean my room.

From all the shit the one I gotta buy is music
From all the jobs the one I choose is music
From all the drinks I get drunk off music
From all the bitches the one I wannabe is music